The Blushing Swashbuckler
by kelpie169
Summary: A series of one shots about how Emma makes or catches Killian blushing.
1. The Bakery Incident

The first time she caught him blushing was before they were even together. He had taken Henry out for the day, letting her and David clean up the mess left after defeating Zelena.

As she wiped sweat from her forehead, Emma heard a grunt and a crash. Her head whipped around, seeing an aluminum trash can roll out of the alley next to the bakery. She narrowed her eyes as she focused on the shadows moving in the fading daylight.

She rolled her eyes, threw the fractured piece of wood on the pile she'd created, and stomped over to the mouth of the alley.

Her anger immediately evaporated as she took in the scene before her. Henry's eyes whipped over to her as she let out a barking laugh. He looked up at the pirate hanging out the window, eyes wide and panicked, then back to his mother.

"It was his idea!"

"Oy! Who are you talking to lad? This is a covert mission, remember!"

Emma bit her tongue to stop herself from collapsing in laughter. Killian's legs dangled out of the window with quite a few feet between him and the wooden box he'd obviously used to boost himself. Those booted feet bobbed and kicked, trying to gain purchase on a nonexistent springboard. His hips shifted uncomfortably as he tried to wiggle himself out of the half open window that had clearly gotten stuck.

"Trapped there, are you, pirate?"

Those feet froze as a sharp gasp came from inside the dark bakery.

"I'm just gonna go help grandpa…" Henry's voice wavered with concealed laughter as he jumped from his own box and raced around the end of the alley.

"Traitor! See when I take you out on the Jolly now!" Killian's lower half went slack as she imagined his upper half did as well as he dangled limply from the window.

"So...whatcha doin?" Emma crossed her arms and cocked her hip to the side, smiling at the leather-clad ass she had never taken the time to admire before. It was really a delicious looking bottom, if she did say so herself.

"Well, love, the lad and I had an idea. But as you can see, we ran into a complication," he huffed in annoyance. "And now that the jig is up, perhaps you could lend a poor old pirate a hand, hum?"

"Wait, just a minute…" she muttered as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed the screen wildly to pull up the camera app. After a moment, she centered her shot and snapped the picture. At the sound of the shutter, which Henry had gotten him quite familiar with as of late, he started flailing around again.

"Swan! I demand to see the photograph! No! I demand you erase it! Now!" His indignant tone just made her laugh all the harder as she shoved the phone back into her pocket.

"Not a chance, pirate! That's all mine. I think I'll set up a Facebook account just so I can post that," Emma giggled lightly as she stepped up onto the box underneath his legs. Looking intently at his backside one more time, she decided to give it a swat.

Her hand fell heavily on his superbly leather-clad ass with a crack, and he jolted in the window frame.

"What the bloody hell, Swan?!"

"Just had to feel it for myself. I mean, it's pointing right at me and everything." Her cheeks hurt from her grin as she braced her foot and tried to shove the window up in the frame, and grunted when it didn't move whatsoever. "Good lord, maybe you should lay off Granny's pie," she quipped.

"I will have you know that I am in better physical shape than most men. Life on a ship is quite the workout!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Porky," she giggled once again as she struggled to finally move the window about a quarter of an inch. "How tightly are you wedged in….and not your painted-on pants, either."

Killian huffed again and wiggled experimentally. "I supposed I've got a small amount of leeway. Let me see…"

Emma heard a scrape as she imagined him bracing his hand and his hook on the inside wall. His hips shifted marginally as he tried to pry himself loose.

"Here, let me push."

Emma braced her hands on his ass, giving a nice hearty squeeze and laughing at his feeble protest, before she threw her weight forward. They stalled for a second, time freezing as the window creaked. Then with a grunt, a yelp, and a crash, Killian was through the window and sprawled inside the bakery.

Emma hoisted herself up, sticking her head through the window to see him upside down, his neck crunched at an odd angle, and his legs splayed upside down with his magnificent ass once again face up and on display.

He grunted as he slid along the tile, then straightened himself out. The security light from the alley kicked on in the encroaching darkness, shining like a spotlight into the window and onto the crumpled pirate.

"Hard night, huh?" Emma smiled again as Killian looked up at her, a red blush creeping up his chest and onto his face.

"You could say that, love. I, uh - I'll just...use the front door," he mumbled as he stumbled to his feet, shaking his head once as he braced his hook on a stainless steel shelving unit.

Emma began ducking her head to leave the alley when she heard another spectacular crash. She jolted upright and hauled herself up on the window sill again, positively beaming when she took in the scene before her.

Killian was sprawled across the tile floor once again, the cart he'd leaned on still rolling, with hundreds of crumbled cookies littered on and around him. He looked up at her sheepishly, quickly brushing a chocolate chip off his nose as she snapped another quick picture.

"That cart rolls, doesn't it?"

His withering look was somewhat tempered with the incredible ruby glow highlighting his extraordinarily handsome face.


	2. Scurvy Dog

Here's the second installment of The Blushing Swashbuckler. Remember, these are in no linear order-they just exist in the same world. And this is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

**Disclaimer: All thing Once Upon a Time belong to Adam and Eddy and ABC. I'm just borrowing their toys.**

* * *

"Come on, you scurvy dogs!" A snort of laughter burst out of the living room as Emma crept quietly in the front door.

The click of sharp nails on their brand new hardwood floors made her grimace, but she immediately perked up once she poked her head around the corner.

Their older dog, Jolly, sat on her haunches with her large brown eyes following the action. Emma whistled lowly, Jolly's ears perking up as her head whipped around and her tail started thumping.

With a snort in the direction of the "action", Jolly laid on her stomach and began army crawling over to Emma's hiding spot.

With a thump, Emma's eyes returned to her husband jumping off the back of the couch with their new puppy, Roger, in his arms.

"Avast, mateys! I shall run your captain through with my trusty blade and ye shall forever bow to me!"

With a yip, Roger jumped from his arms and sprawled clumsily over the floor, paws skittering as he tried to gain purchase to chase his daddy.

Killian lunged dramatically at the upright lamp in the corner, dodging swiftly back and forth, parrying with an invisible sword as Roger yapped at his feet.

With a sharp dart to the left, he spun around the lamp, nearly tripping over Roger.

"Oy, mate! Keep out of yer Captain's way boy! Or ye shall find yerself walking the plank!"

With a huge smile, Killian knelt down and ruffled the dogs head. "This is where you grovel for the Captain's favor."

The stage whisper was just loud enough for Emma to hear. Jolly snuffed out a laugh at her owner's ridiculousness and nuzzled into Emma's thigh.

"Alright girl. Let's go for a walk."

x . x . x . x . x

Two weeks later, Emma found herself trudging home from a freak gutter incident down at the station that had left her soaked to the bone.

Her steps slowed as she approached the door to the loft, listening through the door as she heard a shout of triumph and a dramatic whine from a dog.

She eased her key into the lock, slowly clicking the tumblers and slipped inside. She shucked her boots by the door, tiptoeing silently down the hall, peeking around the door frame into the living room.

Her hand flew to her mouth to contain her laughter. Killian was perched on the back of the sofa in full pirate regalia, his cutlass in his hand. One of her old sheets was strung up in the corner of the room.

But what made Emma nearly lose her hold on the laughter threatening to bubble up was the dogs.

Jolly had a "skirt" draped around her back end and what looked like a detached mophead on her head. She peered balefully out from under the "hair" at Emma, silently begging for this charade to end.

Roger, on the other hand, had a foam sword clutched in his mouth and was slowly army crawling towards Killian.

With a low 'woof', Killian appeared dramatically startled and hopped down, his boots clattering on the wooden floors.

"Oy! Ye shall not steal my fair lass! Be gone, you scurvy dog!"

His hand waved in a complicated pattern and Roger jumped to his hind legs, waving the sword around. He yipped out a shrill series of barks, dropping into a growl towards the end.

Emma whipped her phone out, pulling up the camera as Killian lunged towards Roger. She stifled a gasp, fearing for their newest familial addition. She should have known better though.

With another complicated hand movement from Killian, Roger dodged to the side, rolling over and spitting his sword out. He darted around Killian, who stumbled in an extremely fake manner, and launched himself at Jolly, pinning her to the floor.

Roger howled out a gleeful cry and Jolly snorted out a huff.

Killian's head hung low as he sprawled out dramatically. "Oh! The cruel fates have stolen my woman and my ship! What's a poor pirate to do?!" His arm flung over his eyes as he spoke, followed by a short sniffle.

Emma bit her tongue. This was way too funny. Now she knew how he spent his days while she was at work.

Roger yipped out a short bark and Killian peeked out from under his arm. "Ah, so ye caught me."

He leapt to his feet as Roger sprang to his, letting Jolly up. She scampered quickly toward Emma, clearly eager to escape the boys and their game.

"Ye'll never best me!"

Emma watched as Killian and their dog bounced around the living room, swinging their swords at each other, Roger occasionally dropping his to sound out another "battle cry".

Finally, their sparring drew to a close as Killian lunged dramatically once again, covering Roger with his long leather jacket.

When they finally parted, Emma couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. It bubbled out joyously as she stared at her husband, their dog in his arms, sporting a plastic hook over one paw and an eyepatch.

"Emma! I-uh...didn't know you'd be home so soon, love," his face flushed scarlet as he gently set Roger down. The puppy stumbled with the hook and Killian bent to yank it off his paw, surreptitiously hiding it in the folds of his coat.

Emma rounded into the living room, peeling her wet shirt off her body as she went. Killian's eyes bugged out of his head, clearly not expecting this turn of events.

"Well Captain. Since it looks like your other lady love has run off, maybe you'd make due with me?" she quirked her eyebrow up as a deliciously wicked grin formed on his face.

"Aye, love. I think I have more plundering to do!"


	3. The Best Part of Waking Up

Disclaimer: All things Once Upon a Time belong to Adam and Eddy. I'm just borrowing.

Unbeta'd so mistakes are mine.

* * *

It was happening again. They'd met up at Granny's for their daily lunch date and she ordered her usual-grilled cheese, fries, water and coffee. And Killian was staring at her again.

"Is there something wrong?"

His eyebrows jerked up. "No. Is something troubling you, love?"

Emma sighed, not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing. "It's just-we've been together for about a month. And every single time we have lunch, you stare at me like I'm a puzzle."

His face flushed as his eyes darted away from hers. "Uh-I'm not...it's not you, Swan. I'm-intrigued….by this realm's culinary offerings."

She blinked. Then recalled his order-the same order he gave every single day.

_Toast with butter. Bacon. Water. Fruit Salad._

She also recalled one day last week when he'd been perplexed to find a new fruit in his fruit salad. She'd had to explain the orange squares were cantaloupe and that yes, they were perfectly edible. He'd been delighted as juice spurted down his chin, raving about the sweetness on his tongue.

"Oh! Well, why don't you try some of mine then? That way you can try new things without worrying about whether you'll waste it or not," she smiled at him, reaching for his good hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think of that."

"I've liked almost everything I've tried," he grinned sheepishly. "Especially that thing your mother makes-the one with the noodles and the cheese and the sauce-"

"Lasagna," she broke in helpfully.

"Yes, lasagna. That was delicious. I'm just a wee bit reticent to venture out of my own accord," he leaned back as Ruby placed their orders down with a smile.

Emma grinned as she picked up half of her grilled cheese, offering it to him for a bite. He glanced warily at the sandwich before leaning forward and nibbling at the corner.

"It's buttered bread, with cheese in the middle. Then they throw it on the griddle and toast it," she explained as she watched his eyes light up.

"That is quite delicious, love. I think I'm going to like this new venture of ours!"

x . x . x . x . x

So far, he'd tried grilled cheese, cheeseburgers, every kind of potato creation Granny could think of and everything on the breakfast menu. Oatmeal was _not _something he was fond of, but otherwise he'd enjoyed nearly everything.

So she was perplexed one day when she caught him eyeing her again.

"What now? You've tried everything I've got today," she pointed out exasperatedly.

"Uh-this beverage you always drink...coffee...is it any good?"

She blinked. He'd never had coffee? Huh-she couldn't live without her coffee and she couldn't fathom not having a cup or two per day.

"It's...well, it's caffeinated. So it helps wake you up in the morning or gives you more energy during the afternoon," she explained, offering her cup to him.

He gazed at it warily, taking the handle from her. He sniffed at the hot liquid, wrinkling his nose in a way that made Emma's heart stutter...really, no one should be THAT attractive.

He put his lips to the rim and Emma marveled at the perfect pink arches as he tipped the mug up. And then she gasped as the hot, brown liquid was spewed right back at her.

"Ugh! Oh good lord, Swan! Is that poison?!" he wiped his mouth hurriedly as he almost tossed the mug back at her.

Her eyes were huge and round as she slowly tilted her head to survey the damage. Her new shirt-so white and pristine and _pretty_-yeah it was now speckled brown and was decidedly _not_ so pretty. She wiped the spatter from her face, grimacing when she ran her hand through her blonde hair and noticing the damp patches.

His spastic movements stopped, his eyes lifting to hers in a moment of horrified clarity.

"Oh Gods! Swan-I'm so...fuck! I'm sorry! I'm just-" he leaped up, grabbing at the pile of napkins Ruby'd delivered. He rounded the table quickly, dropping to his knees and patting at her shirt. He swiped at her chest, trying to get the stubborn stains out as she took a deep breath-and began giggling.

"Killian-" she tried to get his attention, but he steadfastly refused to look up at her. He focused rigidly on his task, darting his tongue out to wet the napkin before bringing it back to her chest.

"Killian!"

He froze, eyes rising slowly to meet hers.

"My shirt's fine. I'll go home and change...but we're kinda giving everyone a show…" she motioned around the diner.

Everyone's eyes were on them. Granny wore her trademark scowl of disapproval while Ruby just smirked. Leroy and the dwarves looked as if they weren't quite sure whether to laugh or not. Regina just rolled her eyes and went back to her salad. But the icing on the proverbial cake were the wide round eyes of her parents.

Mary Margaret had her hand over her mouth, clearly trying to stifle the laughter that threatened to bubble out. But David's face was a storm cloud of anger-clearly having his daughter's breasts pawed at in the middle of a public setting was not on his bucket list.

Killian's face flushed scarlet as he leaped to his feet, yanking himself back and onto the opposite bench. Emma tried to stifle her laughter, but failed miserably. He shot her a dirty look as he slouched down and buried his face in his good hand.

"Just great, love. Perhaps you could be good enough to warn me the next time you try to poison me."

Emma bent over, putting her head on the table, her stomach aching from her laughter.

"Oh, my pirate! What would be the fun in that?!"


	4. All the Better to Eat You Wit

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. We jump ahead in time for this one...See the bottom of the chapter for more.

**Disclaimer:** All things Once Upon a Time belong to Adam and Eddy. Still just borrowing their stuff.

* * *

"Are you sure, Zo?" Henry asked for the three millionth time.

"Yes, Henry. I am sure," with a huff and a hand on her hip, she turned to Killian. "Are you ready to go, Daddy? I want to get to the costume store before they run out of all the good ones!"

Killian rolled his eyes as he glanced at his daughter. Zoe was standing by the door tapping her tiny foot, hands on her narrow hips.

"Drop the attitude, lass. Otherwise this outing will not be the fun experience you are craving."

Her blue eyes, so like his own, began watering and her bottom lip quivered as she dropped her arms. Henry rolled his eyes.

"You're not buying this, are you Dad?"

Killian's heart squeezed, just as it always did, hearing Henry call him 'Dad'. It had been years and it still astonished him that he was a part of this family-that they cared for him and loved him.

"As long as the attitude is gone, I have nothing to say," he winked over his shoulder at the boy.

"Alright. Well, have fun. Remember, Caitlyn will be here when you guys get back. We've got a project to work on," Henry reminded, casually picking up some dirty clothes from their spot a foot away from the basket.

"Alright, send your mother a text to make sure she remembers as well. There's no need to terrify the girl like last time," Killian snorted at the grimace Henry's face screwed into.

"Yeah. It took me forever to convince her to come back over."

x . x . x . x . x

"Ruby! What are you doing here?" Zoe squeaked as they rounded the corner of the costume shop, nearly bowling over the she-wolf.

Killian grinned as his daughter's face flushed, clearly amused by her embarrassment.

"Just looking around. What are you dressing up as?" Ruby kneeled down to Zoe's level, trying to see the mass of fabric clutched in her hands.

"Uh-nothing. It's...uh-nothing."

Ruby's eyes glanced to Killian, who just shook his head in amusement. With a swift yank she pulled the costume away from the little girl. Zoe shrieked and made a mad grab for it, but Ruby had already jumped up (though he was puzzled at how she managed to do it so gracefully in her exceptionally tall shoes), holding it high above her head.

"Really?! THIS is your costume?"

Zoe's face flamed red and she looked down at her feet, mumbling indistinctly.

"Well," Ruby tutted, throwing a wink over to Killian. "This just won't do."

Zoe's lip trembled as she tried to hold back tears. Ruby bent down, nudging her adopted niece's head up as she whispered in her ear.

Zoe's gasp brought Killian's head around as the two females focused intently on him. All of a sudden he had a very bad feeling...

x . x . x . x . x

Killian hung his head as he passed the dwarves, who all did a double take as they passed. Henry snorted again, making sure to hold his phone high as the video camera rolled.

"You know, I may have to seek vengeance for this she-wolf. This is utterly barbaric."

Zoe laughed up at her father as his face flushed yet again. "Don't worry Daddy. We're almost done. Beside-" she gasped out a yawn, trying to stifle it before he saw. "We still have the party at Grandma and Grandpa's, remember?"

"Aye, love. However could I forget?"

"Yeah Dad. Mom really needs to see the costumes you guys came up with. She's been dying to know for weeks," Henry tried to hold back the smirk, but was entirely unsuccessful.

"Keep it up, lad. I know where you sleep," he lowered his voice as Zoe ran ahead with Ruby, "And I know where you keep your-illicit nightly reading, shall we call it? I'd hate to have to let your mother know about that."

The scowl that Henry wore as they tromped down Main St was only somewhat gratifying as they kept passing people on their way to the party at his in-laws house. Regina sped by before spinning and doing a double take. She slowed her pace to walk with them, roaring with laughter claiming that she just had to see the look on Emma's face when she saw them.

Henry gave his other mother a hug as they walked along, passing random townspeople-all of whom stopped to stare. Oh how the mighty Captain Hook had fallen. Killian blushed again, knowing that this was one adventure he'd probably be hearing about on his death bed.

They approached the Charming's house, the outside lights glowing spectacularly in all their red tinted glory. David had outdone himself with the decorations. There were headstones and cobwebs and all other manner of ghostly terrors on the lawn. A sharp scream sounded as they walked by a hooded animatronic figure, making Zoe and Ruby shriek before scampering quickly past.

Killian approached the house, the two girls crowding in behind him. Henry shuffled around to the side, wanting to get the best possible camera angle. Regina hung back behind Henry, wanting a good seat but wanting to be out of the way.

"Okay. Now-you pick her up," Ruby directed as she lifted Zoe and nearly tossed her into Killian's arms. "And here's your basket." She hung the wicker basket over his arm as he huffed, his eyes rolling so far back in his head that he was afraid they might stick that way.

Ruby surveyed the duo before posing herself on the other side of Killian. She took a tiny step backward, and then nodded to Henry who punched the doorbell with glee.

The door swung inward and Killian saw the back of Charming's head as he spoke to Emma and Snow whose eyes both widened comically as they caught sight of the group on the porch.

Killian's face burned as red as the cloak slung around his shoulders as his wife burst in raucous laughter. Her father turned around and bleated another laugh as he caught sight of his son-in-law and granddaughter.

"Oh my GOD!" Snow covered her mouth, at least trying to be discreet. The growing redness on her face told him that it was a lost cause, further evidenced when her breathing burst out in a raw exhale of laughter.

"Oh God! GRANNY! Come see who's here!" Emma shouted, clearly loving the spectacle they were making. Regina scooted inside, pausing to give a quick hug to Emma as she went.

Granny ambled over, her fuzzy blue jumpsuit making Ruby and Henry choke as they caught sight of her.

"And what are you supposed to be?"

Emma pulled the hood back and whispered in her ear and Granny's eyes widened slightly.

"Oh, that might be the best thing I've seen all year. Now, excuse me. Leroy will eat all the lasagna if I'm not careful," shaking her head, she ambled back into the house, the tail of her Sully costume wagging behind her. "Oh and Ruby? My ass is definitely NOT that big!"

Everyone laughed as Ruby carelessly tugged a pillow out from under her long flowered dress, tossing it to Snow as she laughed.

"Well-come on in then," David stepped aside as he beckoned them in, Henry going first so he could film behind him as he walked.

Killian's face stayed red as they walked through the party, greeting various people. His daughter was the life of the party and Ruby broke off to find Whale, leaving his small family together in a corner of the living room.

Emma pressed a sloppy kiss to Henry's cheek as she ruffled his hair, knowing that they were in view of the girl he'd been pining after. She grinned maniacally as he huffed and swiped his arm across his cheek, clearly too grown up for such nonsense. He stalked away from them, following his grandparents to the kitchen as he scavenged for food to fill his apparently hollow leg.

Killian grabbed his wife, pulling her into his arm as he balanced Zoe on his hip. "Hey there."

He laid a proper kiss on her, Zoe squealing the entire time as she wiggled to be set down. He obliged laughingly and she ran off after her brother.

"How the fuck did she convince you to do this?"

He flushed again as Emma's eyes swept down his body, eyebrows raising at the bare expanse of his legs.

"It was all the she-wolf. She can be quite...forceful when she wants to be," he scratched behind his ear, as he cut his eyes upward to Emma. Her bright smile was one that always made his insides warm when he caught sight of it-something he'd seen a lot more of in the last few years.

His eyes swept down her body, his lust rising as he finally noticed her costume. He strained to think of anything and everything horrific and disgusting, knowing that any movement of his cock would be astoundingly evident in this getup. It wasn't working, purely because he couldn't peel his eyes away from the cropped plaid shirt tied up under her breasts or the shorts so short the cheeks of her bottom were hanging out.

"And what are you dressed up as, lass?"

"I got a tip from Ruby that a woodsman-er, woodswoman would be a good bet. So…" she spun around, showing off for him.

He pulled her close, nuzzling into her neck and running his hand over the indecently short brown shorts barely covering her backside.

"What do you say we sneak off and have some Halloween fun of our own? Maybe a treat-you know, since I've been such a good sport about all _this_?"

Emma eyed her husband, her eyes roaming from the ruffled white top covered by the black lace up bodice. Her eyes traveled down to the fairly short skirt and his milky white legs. Thankfully Ruby had let him slip into his black Converse...she could just imagine the spectacle of Killian trying to walk around in heels. She smirked at the long dark wig braided into pigtails and he flushed, trying to evade her eyes.

"I think-" she ran her fingertip over the exposed top of his chest, nestling into the dark hair there, "that is an **excellent** idea, Little Red Riding Hood. After all-"

Zoe's squeal of laughter broke them apart as she launched herself into Killian's arms.

"Daddy! Where are you going?"

"Well, the woodswoman was trying to get me away from the Big Bad Wolf-to protect me, you see," he smiled at his daughter as Emma scooped her out of his arms, giggling the entire way.

"I've got the wolf! I've got the wolf! Did you gobble Granny all up?"

Ruby sauntered in, casually munching on a carrot stick, her grey wig askew and lipstick smeared slightly around her mouth.

"Nah, she was a prefect wolfy angel. No gobbling of anyone except some unfortunate goldfish. Now Whale on the other hand…"

Killian and Emma's eyes bugged out as Henry choked on the chicken wing he'd been devouring as he rounded the corner. The matching scarlet hue of their faces made Ruby smirk and Henry rapidly spun around, retreating to the kitchen once again.

"Mmmmm, my what a big tongue he has," Ruby giggled, a tad maniacally in fact, as Whale approached her from behind.

"All the better to eat you with my dear," he chuckled as his arm wound around her waist, pulling her back into his body.

The doctor and the wolf burst into laughter as Killian's face turned progressively more tomato like in color as Emma's lost its color completely.

"Hey!" Zoe's voice broke through, turning all attention onto her. "You eat with your teeth. You _lick_ with your tongue. Duh!"

Killian hung his head, desperately fighting the urge to run someone-perhaps someone with a medical degree-through with his sword. Although he'd probably be able to fix himself up quite nicely...

"Don't worry about it Zoe. I'll explain it when you're older," Henry popped into the room and grabbed his sister out of Emma's arms, turning back to go join the younger crowd in the backyard. "And hey, Dad?"

Killian looked up, his face still a fairly close match to the cloak he was still wrapped in. He watched as Henry flashed the screen of his phone towards him, the picture of Killian holding Zoe in his ridiculous get up front and center on the screen.

"This is so going on Facebook!"

* * *

I just want to say thank you SO much for everyone who reviews/favorites/follows! Those emails seriously make my day. And if you have any ideas or requests for this story or for The Blushing Swan, please don't hesitate to review/PM/email me. You can find my email in my profile. So, again, thanks to everyone who keeps reading. Love you all!


	5. Experimenting

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's all Adam and Eddy's.

That being said, this particular chapter stems from a real life incident with the husband...I'll leave it at that and let you figure it out. :)

* * *

Killian unlocked the door silently, tiptoeing inside so as not to wake his girlfriend. He was very, VERY late...and she'd been having trouble sleeping lately

So he wasn't surprised to find her on the couch; the small lamp on the side table shining down on the book open in her lap.

His cock jumped at the sight of her tongue poking out from between her perfectly pink lips as her eyes scanned the pages. Her thighs rubbed together through her thin cotton pants and his eyebrow raised. He smirked as he toed off his boots quietly.

The pirate padded over in his socked feet, leaning carefully over her shoulder trying to read exactly what had her so worked up.

A few moments passed as his eyes scanned the page lighting on '_vampire_', '_commanding_', '_erotic_' and-much to his surprise- '_hairless, muscled body_', followed by a graphic description of something that actually sounded quite stressful on the joints.

"So, this is what you do when I'm not here, eh Swan?"

Her answering shriek and slight leap into the air had him in stitches and he clutched his side as he laughed.

With an indignant huff, she stood and tossed the book on the coffee table, her arms crossed over her chest.

"What? I like to read."

Her pout made him laugh even harder as he rounded the sofa, pulling her gently into his arms as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Aye, love. But I just didn't know your genre of choice was...what was it David explained to me last week?...pornography?"

She yanked herself out of his grip and punched him in the arm as he doubled over in another fit of laughter. Stalking out of the room, he heard her muffled cursing as she stomped up the stairs. Killian decided to get a bite to eat, maybe kill some time watching the moving-picture-box for a while...just to give her time to calm down.

x . x . x . x . x

"What the hell are you reading?"

The she-wolf's voice carried over the diner and Killian's head shot up, tucking the book under the table quickly.

"Nothing. Uh-not...uh-just...nothing, lass."

Smirking, Ruby dropped the plate in front of him and leaned casually on the table as Killian's eyes lit up at the sight of food.

"Ugh." She scoffed playfully as he dug in with gusto. "All you men are the same. Put some grub in front of you and it's pitifully easy."

"Pitifully easy to what?" His cheeks puffed as he shoveled what looked like a third bite into his already stuffed mouth.

"To do this."

And with a dawning horror, Killian realized that Rubby held the book. THE book that he'd swiped from Emma's nightstand that morning after she'd left for work.

"No!" He nearly choked as he tried to swallow the partially masticated food in his mouth. Once he succeeded, he reached a hand frantically out for the offending piece of literature. "Give that back Red! I just-I need-"

Smirking with success, he swiped the book away from her as she doubled over in laughter. "What the hell are you doing reading THAT? That's just-it's like...it's like softcore porn...gone wrong….with vampires!"

Killian's face twisted into a grimace as he huffed back into the booth.

"I was just-doing a little…research, is all." He glanced around surreptitiously, noting that Grumpy was the only other patron at the moment. "Listen Red, can I ask you a question? About females in this realm."

Ruby smiled as she leaned down, getting her face as close to Killian's as she could. "Of course. What's up?"

"Do women here prefer their men to be...uh-clean?" Her eyebrow raised slightly at his words.

"Uh, yes. We definitely prefer the clean ones. So uh-yeah...make sure you shower and all that…" She rolled her eyes as she turned away, only to be stopped by the metal appendage he wore.

"No, lass. I mean-do women prefer their men to be...bare? Like, clean shaven?" His cheeks flushed slightly. "You know...everywhere?"

Ruby's eyes widened momentarily-before she burst into great heaving guffaws. "Oh God! THAT'S what you're worried about?!"

Grumpy huffed as he threw some bills onto the counter and hurriedly scampered out of the eatery, grumbling about 'nothing being sacred anymore' as Ruby continued to laugh at the bright red face of the pirate in front of her.

"Oh wow-oh God...ahhhh yeah. Well-" She took a deep breath, steadying herself on the table as she wobbled in her sky high heels. "Yeah, well some women prefer their men to be bare and some don't. If Emma hasn't said anything then I wouldn't worry too much." She gave him what was probably supposed to be a comforting pat on the shoulder before she picked up her tray and walked back toward the kitchen.

Killian's nose wrinkled as he settled back into the supremely uncomfortable bench of the booth. Would Swan actually say something? Or would her insecurities, many of which he was completely exasperated with and trying to overcome, keep her from making a request?

Shaking his head slightly, he shoved the tatty paperback into the deep pocket of his newest wool coat slung over the bench beside him. As Ruby waltzed back into the dining room, he lifted his glass of water in a silent toast, nodding his thanks as he began shoveling his lunch into his mouth.

With a disgusted sigh, Ruby turned away just in time to miss his triumphant grin.

x . x . x . x . x

Emma trudged up the steps, bone tired and wanting nothing more than to draw a nice hot bath and tempt Killian to join her.

She tugged her keys out of her pocket, sighing in frustration when they dropped to the floor through her aching fingers. Bending stiffly to pick them up, she jammed the offending pieces of metal into the lock and pushed the door open silently.

Toeing her boots off, she shucked her jacket on the chair set up near the front door. She pulled off her beanie and hopped around as she tugged her socks off.

Then she stopped as her ears pricked at a curious sloshing noise. Her nose wrinkled as she crept quietly up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom. She jumped when she heard a muffled "Bloody fucking hell!" and a sharp hiss of pain from behind the closed door.

She reached for her gun, only to be disappointed when she remembered that she stopped wearing it since there was next to no crime in Storybrooke-unless chaos was breaking out everywhere. But it'd been quiet for a long time and she never had a need for it.

She dropped into a fighting stance, ready to kick whoever's ass was hurting her pirate.

And then she threw her weight onto the door, which busted inward surprisingly easily.

"Bloody fuck, Swan! What the hell was THAT for?!"

Emma shook the slight stars from her eyes as she focused on the interior of the bathroom-only to double over in hysterical laughter as Killian's face bloomed into a deep scarlet.

"I-I heard...I heard you curse and-fucking hell what are you DOING?!" Emma braced her hands on her knees as she fought to get oxygen into her lungs. Her laughter didn't seem to want to abate though and she ended up sliding down the wall, sitting on the floor with her head thrown back in mirth.

"Very funny, lass. I was-experimenting."

"Experimenting?! WHY?"

Killian dropped the razor he'd been holding, glaring at his girlfriend as she continued to laugh, tears dropping to the tile floor as she gasped for breath. Emma's eyes swept over him, straddling the lip of the tub with shaving cream absolutely everywhere. His chest hair was gone and she almost teared up for a completely different reason. His legs were smoother than hers and his left arm was smooth. His right arm was...well-it looked like it'd been attacked by a weed eater, patchy in a few small places but otherwise still hairy as usual.

And then there was the source of his muttered curses...his groin was covered in a fine layer of shaving cream and little spots of red were bleeding through where he'd cut himself.

"Why-why are you….hang on!" She hacked through her laughter, trying to catch her breath. "Okay, so um...why exactly are you...experimenting?"

He shot her a glare as he picked up the razor again, twisting his torso in a way that made Emma's eyes nearly bulge with the effort of containing even more laughter.

"Well, you were becoming all aflutter from _that book_ and when I asked Ruby about it, she mentioned some women liked their men bare. And since you seemed to be excited by that drivel I thought maybe you were too shy to say anything about it."

His face burned with a blush as he tried to resume his task.

"Killian, I never even gave it a thought. I love your body hair...wow that's a sentence I never thought I'd say...but yeah. I love twisting my fingers in your chest hair when we're making love. I like when your bare thigh rubs against mine and I get that slight scratchy feeling…"

His head fell and he dropped the razor once again. "Oh thank the bloody Gods! This is impossible!" He stood quickly and Emma barked out another laugh.

"Oh dear Lord, PLEASE! Never **ever** do that again! You look...you look-" She choked on another laugh as he put his hand and hook on his hips.

"I look like a prepubescent twit, is what I look like! And now my bollocks are itchy…" He shifted slightly, his nose scrunched as he fidgeted.

Emma stifled the laughter that was trying valiantly to leave her mouth as she shuffled her way slowly to her pirate. "Yeah, this-" She waved her hand up and down his body, "-really isn't working for me. Please, please, PLEASE never do this again."

Sighing in relief, Killian nodded, his cheeks glowing slightly. "Aye lass. I am NEVER doing this again. I much prefer my natural state."

"As do I. Now…" Emma leaned forward, turning the taps to fill the tub. "Why don't you and I relax in a hot bath? I've had a long, hard day…"

She punctuated her statement by stripping slowly out of her shirt, smirking at the flare of lust in his cerulean eyes.

She unbuttoned her jeans, shimmying them down her legs as she bent from the waist. His reaction was distinctly noticeable, although she had to stifle the laughter at the hairlessness that was there now. He groaned as she swayed her hips, her tiny thong dropping to the floor as she made to step into the bathtub.

"You better relax good pirate. Cause the stubble is gonna be a bitch!"


	6. Right There

This was written super fast and no beta...like a month ago. And I haven't looked at it since, so I'm sure there's mistakes. But same disclaimer applies.

* * *

Emma rolled her eyes as Killian moaned again.

"Oh Gods, Swan! Right there...right bloody there!"

"Jesus Hook! Seriously? Right here?!"

"Chill out David. It's perfectly natural."

"I know it's perfectly natural Snow, but I do NOT want to see it when it involves my daughter and the pirate!"

"So, whoa, wait. You want to see it if it involves your daughter and someone else?!"

"What, no!"

"That is what you said, mate."

"Stay out of this Hook!"

"David, why don't you guys take Henry to the park?"

"Yay! I really don't wanna see this. No offense Mom. Still on for tonight Killian?"

"Yes-DEAR BLOODY FUCK SWAN!"

"What?!"

"That hurt!"

"Well, you wanted me to get the backside."

"Yes, but that was a tad too forceful!"

"And that would be our cue to go."

"Thank you, Lady Snow. You are indeed a beatific goddess among-BLOODY FUCK SWAN!"

"Hook! Watch the language!"

"Well tell your sadistic daughter to kindly keep her hands in the correct spot!"

"Earmuffs, guys! Just say earmuffs! I don't want to hear this!"

"Then wait outside, kid. Regina will get you later. Bye!"

"Yeah I don't want a hug. Your hands are gross."

"Oh, don't stop Swan. Yes, right there-yes...thank the gods yes!"

"Right there?"

"Yes, fuck, yes!"

Killian moaned as Emma's hands moved quicker and quicker.

"Not so fast Swan. Draw out the pleasure. Make me remember it for days."

"Days, huh?"

"Yes, days-FUCKING BUGGER IT!"

"Well, you'll definitely remember that for days!"

"What in the bloody great heavens IS that vibrating contraption?!"

"Just something to help me out."

"Huh...alright well...go easy on me, love. Ooooo….yes….right there."

"Feeling good, huh?"

"Bloody fucking Gods, yes. Right there…"

"Are you gonna do me next? Cause I'm getting a tad bit frustrated here."

"Of course I'll do you, love. I may have to borrow that vibrating machine you have there because it feels absolutely brilliant. I wouldn't want to deprive you of such pleasure."

Emma huffed as she threw the massager on Killian's lap as she bounded around the arm of the couch, plopping herself on the floor in front of him.

"My turn! And-just for the record-you make sex noises when you get massaged."

She leaned back between his legs, giggling maniacally as she felt the warmth from his full body blush as he clicked the massager on.

"Alright lass. But I warn you...payback is a bitch of a mistress."


End file.
